Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Two old Jewish men

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, 'Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?'

Al replies, 'I don't know, let's ask our waiter.' When the waiter arrives, Al asks, 'Are there any Mexican Jews?'

The waiter says, 'I don't know senor, I ask the cook.'

He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, 'No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews.'

Al isn't satisfied and asks, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'gringos' replies, 'I check once again, senor!' and goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returns and says, 'Senor, the head cook, Tom, say there is no Mexican Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asks again. 'I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!'

'SENOR, I ask EVERYONE,' replies the exasperated waiter, ' All we have is
Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews.'

Innocent Humor of Children

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please
don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and ‘flee’ out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What
happened to the flea?’
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget…. this particular Sunday
sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward
heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are
but dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient
daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in
her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hi all!!!

My first post.